Heritage Album

Trying to research my Genealogy. What is proper etiquette for contacting certain relatives?

I'm looking to trace my family tree, but have never met a lot of my family, and the ones I have met, I've basically cut ties with, over something I do not wish to go into online. Right now, I'm as far as my cousins (met all 3) and located 2 of them on Myspace. I want information from them, but do not want any sort of relationship with them. Yeah, that might make me sound like a bad person, but trust me, I have my reasons for doing so. The information I want to know would be, if they had any kids, and if so the names of the kids, along with who fathered the kids. I am also in need of their fathers real name. I have met my "Uncle Stan" as a kid, (their father) but their parents have since divorced and I have no clue what Stan's real name was, but I do know Stan was not it. How do I go about contacting my cousins, without looking like a stalker of some sort? Is it proper to explain that I do not wish to have them be a part of my life after I get my wanted information? I could possibly handle an online only relationship, as long as they are not too clingy, but with them only 30 minutes away, I'm worried they might want more than that. I also do not wish to cause waves in this side of the family by explaining why I cut ties, since it has to do with me being abused as a child. Should I lie if they ask why I cut ties with my family? Do I "out" the relative that abused me? I also don't want my own psychological health to be harmed by this contact, but I really want to discover my roots, so to speak. Truth be told, I've never done street drugs in my life. I was abused sexually, and this is why I no longer have ties with any of my family. Don't go judging and assuming before you know the facts!

Public Comments

1. You don't even have to contact them to go back generations. the mormon church has a vast resource to trace your family tree.
2. I'm surprised that you would even care about genealogy if you don't even like these people enough to ask simple questions. And looking at your nickname, I think there is a glimpse into why they wouldn't want to be offering up all that personal information. In these days of identity theft, if I had a relative who liked to get high asking for info people usually use for passwords and such, I'd suggest a different hobby. ADDED: I can only pick up what you put out there. If you don't want people to think you're a stoner then don't chose a name like "Wanna Get High." Duh. If you don't like people assuming something incorrect, drop the wannabe edgy b.s. and stop giving ammunition.