Heritage Album

Easiest ways to commit suicide!?

(Long Story for understanding of me) My dad left me when I was a kid and now I live with my step dad when I was in school I was bullied (well so was everyone) but my bullying didn't stop at school it was also a part of my everyday I could expect to be bullied and beaten by kids in the same school or by my parents when I got home (they don't beat me anymore) for no reason when I was 8 I was so badly beaten I couldn't walk or even speak, because I didn't want to go to a foster home I told the teachers I had fallen down the stairs to avoid the subject. (Even today I suffer from back pain because of it) My brothers where even a part of it making it almost a daily chore to torment me (don't all relatives) I have even been raped by my older brother (disgusting but true) I still keep that secret even today I’m taking that to the grave (thank goodness for anonymity on the internet). Even my friends my closest friends would be friendly one day and beating the crap out of the next this continued until high school here I was completely depressed but I did manage to make friends without even trying these where some good friends and also I managed to get a girlfriend at this point but after a while it went downhill, my girlfriend slept with my best friend this is where I started to get depressed and bottle my anger/depression inside. (Typical high school crap in my eyes really) I'm seen as the golden boy in my family because when I was in school my GCSE's where bad I mean D's and going down until college where I got nothing but A's, I help my family whenever I am needed, I had 4 relatives die in 3 years and now my granddad has cancer so does my uncle my mom's got a water infection that cannot be operated on because it attached to vital organs and I have a stomach hernia, stomach ulcer, frequent headaches among others including a mass of stress. (I might be very unlucky in health) Today's stuff: I am now 23 and yes a guy I still live at home sheltered I lost my job last year because of redundancy I can't get my own place because vie tried and failed, no girlfriend, no friends I’m currently on (Job Seekers Allowance) which sucks because I feel like I’m sponging even though I am trying to get working I keep being told to (Get a Job/ Get a Life) by random people even family and even though I am trying hard I can't get anywhere. My little brother has AD-HD and he is a real hand full I have two brother in prison my little brother threatened the other one that he was going to suffocate him in his sleep with a pillow I’m on constant alert at night now I can’t sleep because he is really a big bag of stress in one he peed on a extension cord once and almost set the house of fire. It now takes me about 2-3 hours to get to sleep because of all of this and there is still more the sadist thing is that the only things in my crappy little excuse of a life that is actually keeping me going is a cute family dog (how sad it that?) and me trying to improve my drawing and that is all that’s keeping me here (funny right?). The job centre send me on courses that do not help like the New Deal that was a complete waste of time all it was is work experience and that had no effect on improving my job finds, I couldn't upload CV’s using their system (this was the most stupidest part about it), also when I needed their help the person in charge cleared off (and it's their job to be there). After all of these course and frequent job application rejections I have lost all motivation to keep going now, I’m signed up to agencies but the ones here are a waste of time and can ring up a huge phone bill phoning them every day for new job posts, I am now more anti-social than every because of these job centre courses. I have an interview with my personal adviser on Friday which I’m stressed even more over because I need to have job search proof which I only have a little because once I’ve applied for a job I don't record it, even my personnel adviser is useless she just keeps sending me on course that don't help I’m probably going to be on another one soon (I do appreciate the help though even though she doesn’t not listen to what I am saying). Well that is it, I have more depressing things etc to add but I only wanted to keep it kind of short sorry if it is a little muddled since I had a lot to say and more. People call suicide selfish in a way it is and it isn’t I’m contemplating suicide to help rid the world of a jobless contributor which is me and to help lessen the burden on my family of me being here. Being told to get a life is now funny to me because I just laugh at the person saying it the only reason a person can have the entire RIGHT to saying this is when their own life is so damn perfect. My own thoughts of myself is probably all I need is a good girlfriend or a best friend but can’t talk to people anymore since I am more anti-social than ever I’m constantly depressed but always keep a FAKE smile on for my

Public Comments

1. Be happy dudes, Be crazy, Love life, You have ONE chance
2. ....nice
3. tldr Suicide IS selfish.. you might think you're getting rid of another useless person, but even the tiniest action can have the biggest effect. You might have been the person.. or the parent of the person.. or the grandparent of the person who can someday help the world. But to H*ll with that right? I mean, you're tired of trying, so just let everyone else suffer... Yeah, not selfish at all. (pure sarcasm there at the end)
4. you can't put your family's down falls all on yourself. as far as your little brothers having adhd and them being a handful, that has nothing to do with you. you couldn't do anything to prevent that and you not existing will not help the problem you have had a bad history, yes, but you've GOT to turn that around and make that into motivation to do things to get over that. i'm not being judgmental by saying that you need counseling or a psychiatrist, i'm suggesting that because it seems like the source of a lot of your problems has been the fact that you are in fact in mental, and generally literal, isolation and you have no where to go with your thoughts. once you find someone willing to listen, then you'll see a complete turn around in your life. i kept my problems bottled up for sooo long. once i started talking to my best friend about it, it was instant relief. even if there was in fact nothing they could do to help, just getting it off of my chest felt uplifting. you have to stay positive don't see yourself as a burden. you have just as much a right to live now as you did when you were born. and if you weren't born with the right to live, then you wouldn't have taken your first breath in the first place. honestly, message me. i will seriously reply to every message you send me and help you with your troubles. the anonymity will remain and i will never call you dumb or worthless. i've been in your position. i'm currently battling with an eating disorder myself with the same sources as your suicide thoughts
5. oh my god. that was sooo sad. you made me cry. take antidepressents. live it up. just dont commit suicide. god puts you on this earth for a reason, so find that reason.
6. Jesus Christ dude, calm down sh!t happens life isn't always gonna be good. Don't just be there feeling sorry for yourself. It's up to u if you want to live a better life, if you don't like your current status then, damn it, work harder. If you want a good job then go out there and look don't stop till u find one. U want a girl then if u have all this time since u don't have a job work on yourself, work on being a better u. Look at some celebrities, some have gone through shit in their lives and now their living the good life, but they didn't just wait fir fame to fall from the sky, they worked for it. The point is you don't know what's out there waiting for u. U say you're 23, that means you have around 70 years to work something out. Don't expect for something to just fall out of the sky, u go out there and work for it